Breaking the Silence

Why did we meet?

I asked God.... and 'till now, He's been in silence...

You were the black cat in my dream - that was almost a year now. You never hurt me, nor gave me the thrilling emotion. You were just there, staring at me... your eyes strike my deepest. No one spoke, nor moved. We just simply stared at each other.

It was a year then that i better known you; but it was exactly 2 years and 2 months that i have first seen that addictive smile. In that four cornered walls you laughed - tada! like magic, i was captivated. From then, i kept missing your charms.

So when i was shared with that same smile i've been yearning to see again, i grabbed it like a child dying for chocolate, without any second thought, in exchanged for my sweetest smile. I'm too innocent to sense the trap behind those smiles, and the temptation within your eyes. They are the best combination to way through my weakness.

Stupid i was not to listen to the old myths. I enjoyed entertaining the black cat instead of staying away. But no, i hear no regrets from my soul. Being with you is a blessing. Those moments i shared with you, the stares and smiles... the gestures and words... all of it belonged to my happiness.

And like Cinderella, my clock strikes @ 12.

I left you from the dance we sweetly enjoyed... and that's the end... and the start of our battlefield.

Two dry months. No words from you, no smiles, no stares. All were pale, all were dead. Yet my inside is soaked with tears, hoping a new courage will grow. I'm sorry.

I thought, maybe restoring the friendship is not wrong at all.

We started from scratch again, healing each other. The 'getting to know' moves and smiles are back. I'm contented with where we are, not until today, when i realized restoring our friendship had restored as well the unfathomable emotion i discovered before.

I would like to regret my decision of having your smiles back again, but somehow, i don't know how to... 'coz i'm still thankful i'm having it.

I know the truth and i already embraced the thorns - acceptance is not easy at all. Can you blame this little princess still hoping for his prince to take her to his kingdom?

That is far far away... 'coz i know you will never be mine in man's eyes and importantly in God's eyes.

I'm Sorry

I’m sorry I’ve done this to you. I meant to be rude; but I never thought you would hate me this way.
I’m sorry I treated you badly; how I wish you know that this is all just a play. A role I must perform to stop this closeness we have.
I admire you. I wanted your presence. I wanted to be close to you… I always do… and still do.

I’m sorry that I must turn my way opposite to yours. I’m sorry I have to hide my smile when our eyes meet.
These were never what I wanted.
How I wish you know how I love to see you smiling at me, how I wanted to walk with you beside me…

I’m sorry I never given you the friendship worth to be offered. I’m so afraid I will deeply fall to temptation.
I’m sorry I’ve given full malice to your friendly actions; how I wish I didn’t.

Will you still forgive me? Will you accept the pure friendship I’d like to offer?

You are still my Manong and I still love to hear calling you that way.
I’d like to be your little sister. Please give me that second chance.

I’m sorry for everything. I hope I can make this up to you.
How I wish I could run to you and give you that squeezing hug.
I miss you so much; I’m not sure if I’m that important to you, but I hope you still care for me.

I’m really really sorry. I’m praying my sincerity will reach you.


“I don’t understand. Why I’m feeling so bad now when I know it was my idea?”

mon l'etrange // my strange one

No, don't stare - take those eyes away
You might catch my soul and lead astray
Those devil eyes are piercing; burns me alive
Boundaries are ruined by your blazing knives

No, don't smile - hide it from me
I don't want to feel the increasing tempo of this heart
Neither the losing control of the senses i have
nor the melting of the walls that covers this love

No, don't approach - change your direction
Don't walk towards me, i'll be poisoned
Don't be close, i'll be chained to sins and guilt
You'll destroy the tower of strength i built

No, don't talk - seal those words
Listening to Temptation is losing my spirit
Please spare my heart with your bloody sword
Or two hearts will shatter to pieces in the end...